I feel as though my entire life I had been led to believe that my greatest strength is my greatest weakness; that being sensitive is a bad thing. I had not fully realized the power of empathy or that of vulnerability, because I had never trusted the gifts I had been given.
I am confused and angry and also relieved and comforted. I can feel my mission and my life purpose, and I need not to be afraid to go after it. I need to stop self-sabotaging out of fear of stepping into my highest self. Being highly sensitive is hard enough, let alone the layers of societal shame compiled on top.
When I was a little girl, I was left to cry it out. I was abandoned when I felt the most. I needed a safe space to process. Throughout my teenage years I can remember my father yelling at me to “get myself together”. I was labeled the “drama queen” and was always perceived to be “over-exaggerative” by those closest to me. These labels caused me to feel a tremendous amount of shame. I didn’t know how to get myself together; I didn’t know how to alleviate the intensity of my emotions. Someone from my graduate program actually took the time to write me a letter asking for a refund for their college tuition because of my excessive crying. (Mind you, my program unveiled the rapid degradation of Mother Earth and all of her inhabitants – so I was feeling extra sensitive.)
I realize now in my 30’s that my experience was both valid and true. That I experience and feel things differently from others. It was through community (kula) that I discovered my power and my personal offering. It was through my physical and metaphysical practices of yoga that I learned to receive that which was being reflected back to me.
I am a healer. I have the ability to feel what others experience and then hold it as my own. I have the ability to tap into the energy of a room and simply transform it with my presence. I give others permission to feel because vulnerability is courageous and courage is contagious.
I learned how to turn what I believed to be my greatest liability into my greatest asset. I learned alchemy; turning my weakness into pure gold. My second gift, in turn, is reminding others of their greatness. We are magical beings – embodied sacred source- and we all have something unique and different to offer.
It is with this held belief that I became a teacher of yoga. I want to co-create a world in which every being is happy, healthy, and free from suffering. With the way things are unfolding in this day and age, wishful thinking is not enough; we must truly combine our intention with our actions. So the question that my musing begets: will you let me hold up the mirror? I am here to reflect back that which I see in you. I am here to hold space while you process and untangled your held beliefs. And I am here to help you create a new path – a new way of participating in the world.
May this practice always be of benefit.